Don't Call Me, I'll Call You

We should take some time to observe the various interesting phone conversations one can have with these potential dates before even going out with them. Two of mine that stand out in particular:

-There was one chap from the Cape who’s profile definitely lended itself to him being somewhat of a party animal. Most of his pictures were of him out with a beer in his hand and his answer to the frequency of his alcohol intake was “several times a week”. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I’m certainly no teetotaler so this did not scare me off right away. We’ll call him “Party Pat”….Party Pat from the Cape. We went through the steps and exchanged a few casual emails and then set up a time to speak. The conversation went as such:

PP: “Heeeyyyyyyy….”
Me: “Oh…hey there” (at this point I suspect he may be under the influence)

Conversation ensues for a few minutes and he proposes the idea of getting together.

PP: “Sooooo…you’re really cuuute in your picsh…we should get together or somethin’”

At this point I realize he’s completely shitfaced.

Me: “Where do you usually go out on the Cape? I love the BBC, one of my favorite places…”
PP: “OOOHHHH yeah…I’m not rea—hiccup—really allowed there, I kinda got in trouble one niigghhtt”

Alrighty Party Pat...order me up a cold one and I'll be there before you know it.

And then another where the guy on the other end of the line would frequently morph into a tiny cheerleader of sorts after each statement I made. I know, this is confusing, allow me to illustrate:

MC (midget cheerleader): “How was your day?”
Me: “It was good…busy, but good.”
MC: “yyaaayyy”

*Cue to me completely perplexed at whatever sound just came through the phone and looking at it as if maybe it had suddenly switched frequencies. Had I possibly temporarily caught a 5 year old girl mid-conversation with her father or something? I don't get great cell service where I live. But no…no it continued:

MC: “So do you like your job?”
Me: “I do…it certainly has it’s moments but for the most part I really like what I do”
MC: “yyaaayyy”

While the rest of his dialogue was in a totally normal, mid 30s male voice, this little cheer of his was in a teeny tiny little voice! It continued unwarranted…

Me: “Hold on, I just need to grab a glass of water, I’m a little parched”
MC: “yyaaayyy”

So needless to say neither one of these two potential suitors even made it to the date stage…though I’m sure we can all say with a fair amount of certainty how those would have gone, and we’re glad we dodged that bullet. Yyaaayy…