Almost As Painful As A Trip To The Dentist

After you’ve had some experience viewing profiles and pictures and then meeting them in person you start to notice some trends to be aware of…I also like to refer to these as “red flags”. Now, maybe some people would know from the get go that these are signs of potential problems but it took me a few to get it down. Some things to watch out for:

-no picture…regardless of how cool they sound in their profile, how witty they are and how well they write (which is usually indicative of their intelligence level) no picture should be a no go…more on this later

-they’re wearing a hat in all of their pictures…this means they are balding. Please note, NOT bald as in they realized they were going there and decided to shave their head (which I personally think on the right guy is a really good look) but balding. Nothing wrong with that folks, just don’t falsely advertise!

-above the shoulder shots only

-pictures taken from 20 feet away and they’re wearing sunglasses

-all of the pictures are mysteriously blurry

-pictures where they smile but never show their teeth

This last one brings us to our next experience. This was a nice fellow that I emailed with for a bit. He seemed genuine and funny, so of course I was excited to meet him (one of these days you’d think I’d learn NOT to get excited). We agreed to meet for a couple of drinks on a Friday after work. This was perfect I thought because you weren’t taking an entire evening but it’s still enough time to get to know each other. Besides, if it’s going really well you can always just keep going with it.

So Chili’s it was for some margaritas and tex mex. I pulled up and parked and was walking up to the door when I saw him waiting. Oh this was going to be fun! I’m smiling as I walk up to him and the rest goes like this:

Tricia: “Hi! So nice to meet you!”
Date #3: “I know! I’ve been looking forward to this…………………………………………………………

I can’t tell you the rest of what was said as the world came to a halt and all sound was muted when I noticed it looked like he had spent his formative years chewing on a mouthful of rocks. Yes folks, we’re not talking a crooked tooth here…we’re talking about the kind of damage that could have only been done in a run in with a bulldozer or something of the like. WHY pratel, wouldn’t you have those fixed? I mean this is the new millennium! The miracles that can be worked through dentistry are abundant!

This was especially challenging because I was trying not to let my eyes wander to the wreckage in his mouth for the entire time we were together. NOT an easy feat I tell you. It’s like a bad accident you see on the highway…you don’t want to look but you can’t help yourself. And never mind what we talked about, I couldn’t tell you.

My thoughts were consumed with wondering what havoc these teeth reeked on the food we were having. When he bit into the nacho chip did the configuration of his teeth send little bits spraying everywhere in his mouth? If he weren’t cutting into the quesadilla with a fork and knife what would the bite mark look like? An octagon? Jigsaw puzzle? It was all too much, the places these teeth took my mind.

So the lesson here? Beware the smiling toothless picture. Needless to say it will come back to bite you.