The Black Cat And Online Dating

Serial monogamist. I had heard Julia Roberts use the term in an interview once and used it to describe myself going forward. That’s exactly what I had been…from the time my parents let me start seeing boys. I always had a boyfriend for a long time and when one relationship ended I seemed to have the good fortune of meeting someone else great pretty quickly that would subsequently consume the next couple of years of my life, give or take some.

That must be the reason for my state of affairs these last few years. I wonder sometimes if you only get a certain amount of relationships or loves and then that’s it, your well has run dry.
Either that or it’s that freaking black cat that belongs to someone in the condo complex where I live. The damn thing continually crosses my path and I have on plenty of occasions plotted it’s death via BB gun…it’s the main reason I don’t drink at home because I’m sure it would’ve happened by now.

Anyway, I digress. I wanted to write to share my tales of dating woe for a few reasons. First and foremost, the sheer entertainment that the stories bring to my loved ones. I have brought many a friend and family member to tears through laughter when I recount the most recent date’s neuroses, addiction or whatever else may be preventing them from being on the cover of whatever magazine out there promotes mental and emotional well being.
I also wanted to share because once I reached (and then passed) a certain amount of these experiences I started to wonder if I just had uncanny bad luck. I mean I know everyone has misses when it comes to dating, you have to kiss a lot of frogs, there’s a lot of fish and blah blah blah. But you go so long without catching a break and you really do start to wonder. It’s not even that he has to be Mr. Right…where’s Mr. Right Now?? I can’t even get that far?

Of course they weren’t all bad. There were some along the way that I very much liked…they just didn’t like me back. And while I can accept that just because you like someone doesn’t mean they like you back what happened to your fingers or tongue in the process that would allow you to actually communicate that to me? I started to feel like the Bermuda Triangle…people just disappeared…never to be heard from again. Some even disappeared after such parting words as “I’ll call you in a couple of days and we’ll make a plan to get together”. Now is there something in that line that I’m supposed to recognize as really meaning “I’m not really into you and will call everyone else in my book as a means to avoid going out”?

They could have saved a lot of money filming that movie He’s Just Not That Into You and just put a film crew on me for the last couple of years. Your loss Hollywood…I’m even cheaper than a poor man’s version of Jennifer Aniston.

The black cat was ever present around these times too. The time would come and go when I was supposed to hear from (insert any man’s name here, I’m sure I probably had one at some point) and I would open my sliding door curtains and there it was, lurking in the woods across from me. I would pull into my parking lot at night late sometimes and there it would be, darting in front of me while everyone else was sleeping. It’s as if it waited…watching…judging…okay maybe not judging but really…I never saw it jump in front of anyone else’s vehicle.

So I should start from the beginning. I was coming off of my last relationship that had dragged on longer than it should have and left me with the feeling that it was time to be alone for a while. I had just started a promising new career at a growing global company and was making serious strides in my professional life. The time was perfect to focus on that and forget about men for a while. Little did I know how long it would be.

Fast forward to a year later and I’m ready to start “getting out there” again. Problem was I had no idea how hard it would be. I figured if you’re out and about it’s like shooting fish in a barrel right? I’m fun, always laughing and at least fairly attractive? Apparently this did not cut it in the modern dating world, one that I had never been a part of.

So I decided to try online dating. Well…that and I really wasn’t meeting anybody in the conventional ways. Once again my false sense of dating ease coupled with what I would eventually start questioning as a bloated ego failed me. THIS would definitely be like shooting fish in a barrel! Fill out your profile, post your pictures and let the good times roll! I mean everyone on there is looking for the same thing right?

And so it begins.